berfday

this week between birthdays, the birthday of henry, the birthday of jude, is always a busy week, busy from the beginning. jude was born five weeks early, henry barely two, barely talking, barely a curl on his head.  jude was white and pinkish and was very beautiful.  i thought he would be a girl and am glad he was not.  it’s nice to have brothers back to back, friends most days, and brothers close forever.

we were worried about you, jude. you were little and you were early and people were rushing around in the room with the whitest shiniest tiles i’ve ever seen.  the special doctor came just for you and you were fine. perfect.  i was so happy when you were born. i was happy even though you were born by c-section. i was happy because i didn’t need to be worried. i was happy because you were so beautiful and perfect and so very tiny. they gave you a sweet little knitted white hat to wear and i never thought i could be so happy to hold such a wonderful little thing in my arms.

for jude’s birthday we celebrated early (more pictures from this day can be seen here!) as ernie was shooting a wedding on the actual day. grammy and judson came to town and big daddy had a birthday (80!), too, the day after jude’s. so we all ate curry and walked the zoo together. we got the howler monkeys to howl. they only do this if you clap and cheer and make howling sounds for them. you have to do this for a good five minutes and then they will swing in the cage and bellow at each other. no one ever wants to make them howl with me. it’s embarrassing to stand there clapping and cheering for so long when no one knows why you are doing such a ridiculous thing. i am only mildly embarrassed. it’s worth it in the end, as are many things that make you look foolish for a time. after the zoo we went home for cake.  i didn’t put a monster truck into the cake this year as last year jude was very offended by my doing just that.  he reminded me several times this year to “only put candles in the cake, don’t stick any toys or anything else in there.”  he is very particular.  sometimes this is annoying. many times it is annoying. mostly i try to remind myself that attention to detail is something good and right. sometimes the details to which he has paid attention amaze us.  his memory alone is astounding and i should, of course, for the sheer sake of his memory alone, stop myself from being unkind more often than i do.  knee jerk reactions and all that, you know.

saturday, jude’s actual birthday, we went to ernie’s aunt’s house far and away and then even farther away until you think that you can’t go any farther and then a little bit farther away, then around a corner and up and down a few hills and a farther and farther and farther away until everyone in the car has asked their allotment of “are we there yets.” in the woods, they live.  with a creek in which we had anticipated wading. it was not to be. too much rain and the thing was rushing away, the loud screams of it heard from the top of the hill as we got out of the car. henry ran off with the big boys (!) and i only worried a little bit.  they walked through poison ivy (didn’t get any, though. amazing!) and played in milder water, though had i been there i might have said no way! there were many orange puddles and this made jude happy. it also made his sneakers too wet to enjoy wearing so he took them off. and then he came home with scratches on the bottoms of his feet and had a hard time finding shoes, even flip flops, to wear on sunday that didn’t hurt. but it was worth it, as painful things sometimes are.

tonight, jude is sleeping by the fan. he has a sunburn on his shoulders that hurts and he was sad until he fell asleep to alex giving answers and the rest of us shouting questions at the tv.  he is taller than ever, long legs, skinny torso and arms. his hair needs a cut, a trim, the curls in his face, the back fluffy and weird. today he watched the neighbors we don’t know splashing in their pool and then played with the hose until it just had to be turned off.  he is a light in the house, funny jokes and an undercurrent of energy that is hard to match.  he is sensitive and smart and without him, what would we do? we do not know, nor wish to know.

jude, i love you more than you can ever know. i love your freckles, each one multiplying as the summer begins, continues. i love your smile, your silly faces, but especially your smile that starts and spreads across your face and makes me smile and laugh a little myself. i love your hugs, the real hugs that you give that lean all of your weight into my body. thank you for being you, for being one of the most important people i know or ever will know or ever will care to know. how did you happen to me?

thank you God, for jude. thank you for his ready smile, for his infinite imagination.  thank you for making him sensitive and loving and smart. thank you for letting me be his mother, of all the women in the world, you entrusted him to me! show him how much you love him.  help him understand the gift of your grace and mercy that is deeper and greater than he can ever know.

Cross-posted at Fresh Milk Delivered Daily