In short the idea behind the Ministry of Reality “is being able to be REAL about life. Homes are not always (not *usually* even!) spotless, children are not always dressed adorably, children do not always “behave,” marriage is hard, and there aren’t simple answers to hard questions. Being honest about all of this makes it easier (in my opinion) to live life… because we can ASK for help about problems we aren’t covering up. We can be encouraged by others’ stories of surviving similar seasons and trials.”

Being real, being vulnerable. . . in that we can ask for help from others, be approachable when others need our help. In the Ministry of Reality we can acknowledge just how dependent we are on God’s grace daily, and (hopefully, prayerfully, fallenly) show what that dependence looks like.

In the spirit of the Ministry of Reality, several moms have starting blogging about that on Mondays, Ministry of Reality Mondays. As humorously appropriate, it started last week. . . on Tuesday.

So for your reading and reality encouragement:

“Ministry of the Real” OR “Our Kids’ First Fling with Jackson Pollock”

*tap tap tap* Anybody there? Coming next Monday…

“Ministry of Reality” Monday…

Ministry of Reality Mondays

Jo’s Ministry of Reality Mondays

Lisa’s Ministry of Reality Mondays

Kate’s Ministry of Reality Monday

Ministry of Reality Monday, July 5

MOR Monday

Ministry of Reality: Shopping with Toddlers

It’s Monday again. I must be Real.

Parenting by Fear

Martyr for a Mommy? No, Thanks!

Amie’s Ministry of the Real Monday

Simply This: Ministry of Reality Monday

Christi’s Ministry of the Real Monday

Twitter: #ministryofreality

Please post here if you have more to add.

Ministry of Reality Monday will be hosted next Monday, July 12, by SoggyMommy.

Now observe that when that clever harlot, our natural reason… , takes a look at married life, she turns up her nose and says, “Alas, must I rock the baby, wash its diapers, make its bed, smell its stench, stay up nights with it, take care of it when it cries, heal its rashes and sores… ?

What then does Christian faith say to this? It opens its eyes, looks upon all these insignificant, distasteful, and despised duties in the Spirit, and is aware that they are all adorned with divine approval as with the costliest gold and jewels. It says, O God, because I am certain that thou hast created me as a man and hast from my body begotten this child, I also know for a certainty that it meets with thy perfect pleasure. I confess to thee that I am not worthy to rock the little babe or wash its diapers, or to be entrusted with the care of the child and its mother. How is it that I, without any merit, have come to this distinction of being certain that I am serving thy creature and thy most precious will? O how gladly will I do so, though the duties should be even more insignificant and despised. Neither frost nor heat, neither drudgery nor labor, will distress or dissuade me, for I am certain that it is thus pleasing in thy sight…

God, with all his angels and creatures is smiling-–not because the father is washing diapers, but because he is doing so in Christian faith.

–-Martin Luther

The above quote was alluded to in Mollie Ziegler Hemingway’s interview on Issues, Etc., about vocation and parenting. It’s worth the time to listen and discuss.

The idea of mothering as vocation is sometimes one we wrestle with. . . individually, together. The inherent struggles related to the concept is probably why we have a whole section of the MbG community set aside to encourage one another in vocation.

So much more could be said (and here’s a start). . . but mostly, just wanted to share the podcast link and discussion link.

It seems like new parents often have to learn to get balanced, like learning to ride a bicycle — some are comfortable with authority and wobble to the side of being too rules-oriented and need to balance that with more grace and flexibility and others are natural nurturers and wobble to the side of being too permissive and need to balance that with firmness and authority.

One nice thing about getting older is that I find I have so much in common with parents no matter which side they wobbled to early on — in the end caring parents generally are balanced out.

–taketime

Did you find you “wobbled” a bit to one side or the other in your earliest parenting years? Did you find you overcompensated as you found balance? What ideas helped you find balance? What encouragement do you have for other mothers during the wobbly years?

Near the end of the last session, Tara spoke on the importance of accepting on another and serving one another as brothers and sisters in Christ. (Again, based upon what Christ has done for us — accepting us and serving us.) She pointed out how easy it is to fall into the “Jesus+Plus” thinking. Theologically, we can slip into the Jesus+Plus my good works, my sound theology, my worship experience. . . Not that we would consciously form our salvific beliefs around such ideas, but that becomes our manner of living.

Relationally, we can fall into “Jesus+Plus” thinking as well. It is so easy for us as people to want to be comfortable with those who are like us. And within the Church this has often become very pronounced. Jesus+Plus likeminded families, breastfeeding mamas, cry-it-out-ers, family bedders. . .

We’ve even seen this cause strife and division in individual congregations. Difficulties in maintaining previously close relationships.

It can be hard to get past the “Jesus+Plus” thinking, both in our daily walk with the Lord as well as in our relationships. Once again, it is time to turn to the Gospel, recognizing that what Christ has done for me is what Christ has done for those who live and think and parent very differently from me.

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. Romans 15:7

And so, my brothers and sisters in Christ. . . I’m seeking the Lord. Seeking the Lord to apply the Gospel in my life and in my relationships. In our parenting, I believe that God gave to you your children to raise to the glory of God — just as He gave my children to me. It is in that spirit of unity that we share encouragement, factual information, and our own varied experiences.

Here are some quotes from the article, of the creative chemicals that connect us.

Oxytocin

Under the early influence of oxytocin, nerve junctions in certain areas of mother’s brain actually undergo reorganization, thereby making her maternal behaviors “hard-wired.”

Persistent regular body contact and other nurturing acts by parents produce a constant, elevated level of oxytocin in the infant, which in turn provides a valuable reduction in the infant’s stress-hormone responses. . . the resulting high or low level of oxytocin will control the permanent organization of the stress-handling portion of the baby’s brain-promoting lasting “securely attached” or “insecure” characteristics in the adolescent and adult.

When an infant does not receive regular oxytocin-producing responsive care, the resultant stress responses cause elevated levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Chronic cortisol elevations in infants . . .are shown in biochemical studies to be associated with permanent brain changes that lead to elevated responses to stress throughout life,

Vasopressin

Released in response to nearness and touch, vasopressin promotes bonding between the father and the mother, helps the father recognize and bond to his baby. . . It has gained a reputation as the “monogamy hormone.”

Prolactin

. . .prolactin is released in response to suckling, promoting milk production as well as maternal behaviors. Prolactin relaxes mother. . . so she has no strong desire to hop up and do other things.

Opioids

Babies need milk, and opioids are nature’s reward to them for obtaining it. . . The first few episodes of sucking organize nerve pathways in the newborn’s brain, conditioning her to continue this activity.

Prolonged elevation of prolactin in the attached parent stimulates the opioid system, heightening the rewards for intimate, loving family relationships. . .

Once a strong opioid bonding has occurred, separation can become emotionally upsetting, and in the infant possibly even physically uncomfortable when opioid levels decrease in the brain, much like the withdrawal symptoms from cocaine or heroin. When opioid levels become low, one might feel like going home to hold the baby or like crying for a parent’s warm embrace. . .

Norepinephrine

Norepinephrine helps organize the infant’s stress control system

Pheromones

Newborns are much more sensitive to pheromones than adults. . . . Through these, baby most likely learns how to perceive the level of stress in the caretakers around her, such as when mother is experiencing fear or joy. . . .body odors and pheromones can only be sensed when people are physically very near each other.

What About Mine?

When you cried as a little baby
Mom and daddy let you cry
Thought that that was the best way maybe
To make you grow all strong inside
Now that you’re older
You need someone’s shoulder
What about mine?

Growing’ up your mind was closed
For repairs for a long long time
You could feel the loneliness in your hairstyle
Just like mine
Now that you’ve grown up
You still need that shoulder
What the hell are you waiting’ for?
It’s mine

I promise not to chase you
Only to embrace you
I promise not to bug you
Only just to hug you all night

When you was a little baby
Mom and dad they let you cry
They thought that’s the best way maybe
To make you all strong inside
(Were they) wrong? (Yes)
Mine……What about mine?

(Written by Paul Westerberg, Played by Jon Barlow)

And the winners are. . .

Alex and Candace. . . Congratulations! Check your email for more details. . . Thank you for all who participated in and promoted this giveaway.

“. . .the Lord does not in vain prepare nutriment for children in their mothers’ bosoms, before they are born.

But those on whom he confers the honor of mothers, he, in this way, constitutes nurses; and they who deem it a hardship to nourish their own offspring, break, as far as they are able, the sacred bond of nature.

If disease, or anything of that kind, is the hindrance, they have a just excuse; but for mothers voluntarily, and for their own pleasure, to avoid the trouble of nursing, and thus to make themselves only half-mothers, is a shameful corruption.”

–John Calvin

Today, July 10th, marks the 500th anniversary of the birth of John Calvin. Not only was he a great theologian and world changer, he was also a breastfeeding advocate and encourager to moms!

I find it interesting to note that he addressed the same issues we have in our own day — how hard it can be and how sometimes things don’t function as they were designed. That is the reality of living in a fallen world, and a real struggle for many. And yet, what a wonderful way God has designed breastfeeding to nourish and nurture our children!

For more info and encouragement on breastfeeding:
Mothering by Grace Breastfeeding Forum
One Piece of Advice for New Breastfeeding Moms
Parenting Freedom: Breastfeeding
KellyMom: Evidence Based Breastfeeding Info

(Print by Cornelius Bega, 1664)

Here’s a mini-review of the book:

Families Where Grace Is in Place by Jeff VanVonderen.

This book jarred us both from the unbiblical errors and extra-biblical extremes that run rampant in our previous life. Most startling is VanVonderen’s rather matter-of-fact correction that the Bible doesn’t say that I’m supposed to make my husband love me, nor is he supposed to make me submit. I have my responsibility to submit, and he has his responsibility to love. That’s our division of labor, so to speak.

The same goes with parents and children. My responsibility to not provoke my sons to wrath is actually greater than their responsibility to obey/honor me. I can’t make them honor me, but I need to act honorably. VanVonderen was the first for me that made that very simple, mind-blowing point.

This book is great for refocusing our hearts on Christ and having that overflow of the Gospel impact our families — and I wish we could send everyone a copy! But since we can’t, we’re doing a drawing with lots of ways to be eligible to win.

Three ways to enter. . .

1. Comment on this thread (make sure the email address you put in is correct — it won’t show, though, when you comment.) Limit one entry by commenting.

2. Mention MbG and the giveaway on your blog, facebook, twitter, community forum or an email to friends. You have to comment again, to let us know that you did that. Limit five entries — one for each avenue.

3. If you already have the book, but want to win this one to give away, share something from the book that impacted you in the comments. Limit one entry.

The contest will close Saturday, July 11th, at 7 pm Eastern. The winner will be picked by random drawing. The winner will be emailed and announced here, and Amazon will deliver Families Where Grace Is in Place to your doorstep!

Families Where Grace Is in Place has provided much food for thought and conversation here at MbG, including the following threads. If you want to join the conversation, it’s easy to register at MbG.

Quotes from Grace-Based Parenting Books on Discipline
I need a grace filled parenting bootcamp. STAT.
How do you help your child really know that God loves them?
Heading down the Positive Discipline Journey
Why graceful parenting………
Needing Input: What Do I Do (to Help Children Obey)?
Hebrews 12 and Positive Discipline
Books and Your Theology

7/11/09: Comments closed! Thanks for helping make our first MbG giveaway a success! The winner will be announced soon!