Luther, Vocation, Motherhood

Now observe that when that clever harlot, our natural reason… , takes a look at married life, she turns up her nose and says, “Alas, must I rock the baby, wash its diapers, make its bed, smell its stench, stay up nights with it, take care of it when it cries, heal its rashes and sores… ?

What then does Christian faith say to this? It opens its eyes, looks upon all these insignificant, distasteful, and despised duties in the Spirit, and is aware that they are all adorned with divine approval as with the costliest gold and jewels. It says, O God, because I am certain that thou hast created me as a man and hast from my body begotten this child, I also know for a certainty that it meets with thy perfect pleasure. I confess to thee that I am not worthy to rock the little babe or wash its diapers, or to be entrusted with the care of the child and its mother. How is it that I, without any merit, have come to this distinction of being certain that I am serving thy creature and thy most precious will? O how gladly will I do so, though the duties should be even more insignificant and despised. Neither frost nor heat, neither drudgery nor labor, will distress or dissuade me, for I am certain that it is thus pleasing in thy sight…

God, with all his angels and creatures is smiling-–not because the father is washing diapers, but because he is doing so in Christian faith.

–-Martin Luther

The above quote was alluded to in Mollie Ziegler Hemingway’s interview on Issues, Etc., about vocation and parenting. It’s worth the time to listen and discuss.

The idea of mothering as vocation is sometimes one we wrestle with. . . individually, together. The inherent struggles related to the concept is probably why we have a whole section of the MbG community set aside to encourage one another in vocation.

So much more could be said (and here’s a start). . . but mostly, just wanted to share the podcast link and discussion link.

We Moms Wobble

It seems like new parents often have to learn to get balanced, like learning to ride a bicycle — some are comfortable with authority and wobble to the side of being too rules-oriented and need to balance that with more grace and flexibility and others are natural nurturers and wobble to the side of being too permissive and need to balance that with firmness and authority.

One nice thing about getting older is that I find I have so much in common with parents no matter which side they wobbled to early on — in the end caring parents generally are balanced out.

–taketime

Did you find you “wobbled” a bit to one side or the other in your earliest parenting years? Did you find you overcompensated as you found balance? What ideas helped you find balance? What encouragement do you have for other mothers during the wobbly years?

Christ+Plus Parenting

Last spring, I attended a women’s conference with a really great speaker, Tara Klena Barthel. I was so encouraged how she kept turning back to the Word, directing the conference-goers back to the Word, and pointing again and again to the Word made flesh, Jesus.

Near the end of the last session, Tara spoke on the importance of accepting on another and serving one another as brothers and sisters in Christ. (Again, based upon what Christ has done for us — accepting us and serving us.) She pointed out how easy it is to fall into the “Jesus+Plus” thinking. Theologically, we can slip into the Jesus+Plus my good works, my sound theology, my worship experience. . . Not that we would consciously form our salvific beliefs around such ideas, but that becomes our manner of living.

Relationally, we can fall into “Jesus+Plus” thinking as well. It is so easy for us as people to want to be comfortable with those who are like us. And within the Church this has often become very pronounced. Jesus+Plus likeminded families, breastfeeding mamas, cry-it-out-ers, family bedders. . .

We’ve even seen this cause strife and division in individual congregations. Difficulties in maintaining previously close relationships.

It can be hard to get past the “Jesus+Plus” thinking, both in our daily walk with the Lord as well as in our relationships. Once again, it is time to turn to the Gospel, recognizing that what Christ has done for me is what Christ has done for those who live and think and parent very differently from me.

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. Romans 15:7

And so, my brothers and sisters in Christ. . . I’m seeking the Lord. Seeking the Lord to apply the Gospel in my life and in my relationships. In our parenting, I believe that God gave to you your children to raise to the glory of God — just as He gave my children to me. It is in that spirit of unity that we share encouragement, factual information, and our own varied experiences.

Mommies, Babies, and Chemistry

A few years ago I came across this fascinating article about The Chemistry of Attachment by Linda F. Palmer. My mother was asking me more about Reactive Attachment Disorder, and this article touches on the oxytocin/cortisol impact on infant brain development. The wonderful way God has designed mothers and babies continually amazes me.

Here are some quotes from the article, of the creative chemicals that connect us.

Oxytocin

Under the early influence of oxytocin, nerve junctions in certain areas of mother’s brain actually undergo reorganization, thereby making her maternal behaviors “hard-wired.”

Persistent regular body contact and other nurturing acts by parents produce a constant, elevated level of oxytocin in the infant, which in turn provides a valuable reduction in the infant’s stress-hormone responses. . . the resulting high or low level of oxytocin will control the permanent organization of the stress-handling portion of the baby’s brain-promoting lasting “securely attached” or “insecure” characteristics in the adolescent and adult.

When an infant does not receive regular oxytocin-producing responsive care, the resultant stress responses cause elevated levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Chronic cortisol elevations in infants . . .are shown in biochemical studies to be associated with permanent brain changes that lead to elevated responses to stress throughout life,

Vasopressin

Released in response to nearness and touch, vasopressin promotes bonding between the father and the mother, helps the father recognize and bond to his baby. . . It has gained a reputation as the “monogamy hormone.”

Prolactin

. . .prolactin is released in response to suckling, promoting milk production as well as maternal behaviors. Prolactin relaxes mother. . . so she has no strong desire to hop up and do other things.

Opioids

Babies need milk, and opioids are nature’s reward to them for obtaining it. . . The first few episodes of sucking organize nerve pathways in the newborn’s brain, conditioning her to continue this activity.

Prolonged elevation of prolactin in the attached parent stimulates the opioid system, heightening the rewards for intimate, loving family relationships. . .

Once a strong opioid bonding has occurred, separation can become emotionally upsetting, and in the infant possibly even physically uncomfortable when opioid levels decrease in the brain, much like the withdrawal symptoms from cocaine or heroin. When opioid levels become low, one might feel like going home to hold the baby or like crying for a parent’s warm embrace. . .

Norepinephrine

Norepinephrine helps organize the infant’s stress control system

Pheromones

Newborns are much more sensitive to pheromones than adults. . . . Through these, baby most likely learns how to perceive the level of stress in the caretakers around her, such as when mother is experiencing fear or joy. . . .body odors and pheromones can only be sensed when people are physically very near each other.

John Calvin, Lactivist

“. . .the Lord does not in vain prepare nutriment for children in their mothers’ bosoms, before they are born.

But those on whom he confers the honor of mothers, he, in this way, constitutes nurses; and they who deem it a hardship to nourish their own offspring, break, as far as they are able, the sacred bond of nature.

If disease, or anything of that kind, is the hindrance, they have a just excuse; but for mothers voluntarily, and for their own pleasure, to avoid the trouble of nursing, and thus to make themselves only half-mothers, is a shameful corruption.”

–John Calvin

Today, July 10th, marks the 500th anniversary of the birth of John Calvin. Not only was he a great theologian and world changer, he was also a breastfeeding advocate and encourager to moms!

I find it interesting to note that he addressed the same issues we have in our own day — how hard it can be and how sometimes things don’t function as they were designed. That is the reality of living in a fallen world, and a real struggle for many. And yet, what a wonderful way God has designed breastfeeding to nourish and nurture our children!

For more info and encouragement on breastfeeding:
Mothering by Grace Breastfeeding Forum
One Piece of Advice for New Breastfeeding Moms
Parenting Freedom: Breastfeeding
KellyMom: Evidence Based Breastfeeding Info

(Print by Cornelius Bega, 1664)

berfday

this week between birthdays, the birthday of henry, the birthday of jude, is always a busy week, busy from the beginning. jude was born five weeks early, henry barely two, barely talking, barely a curl on his head.  jude was white and pinkish and was very beautiful.  i thought he would be a girl and am glad he was not.  it’s nice to have brothers back to back, friends most days, and brothers close forever.

we were worried about you, jude. you were little and you were early and people were rushing around in the room with the whitest shiniest tiles i’ve ever seen.  the special doctor came just for you and you were fine. perfect.  i was so happy when you were born. i was happy even though you were born by c-section. i was happy because i didn’t need to be worried. i was happy because you were so beautiful and perfect and so very tiny. they gave you a sweet little knitted white hat to wear and i never thought i could be so happy to hold such a wonderful little thing in my arms.

for jude’s birthday we celebrated early (more pictures from this day can be seen here!) as ernie was shooting a wedding on the actual day. grammy and judson came to town and big daddy had a birthday (80!), too, the day after jude’s. so we all ate curry and walked the zoo together. we got the howler monkeys to howl. they only do this if you clap and cheer and make howling sounds for them. you have to do this for a good five minutes and then they will swing in the cage and bellow at each other. no one ever wants to make them howl with me. it’s embarrassing to stand there clapping and cheering for so long when no one knows why you are doing such a ridiculous thing. i am only mildly embarrassed. it’s worth it in the end, as are many things that make you look foolish for a time. after the zoo we went home for cake.  i didn’t put a monster truck into the cake this year as last year jude was very offended by my doing just that.  he reminded me several times this year to “only put candles in the cake, don’t stick any toys or anything else in there.”  he is very particular.  sometimes this is annoying. many times it is annoying. mostly i try to remind myself that attention to detail is something good and right. sometimes the details to which he has paid attention amaze us.  his memory alone is astounding and i should, of course, for the sheer sake of his memory alone, stop myself from being unkind more often than i do.  knee jerk reactions and all that, you know.

saturday, jude’s actual birthday, we went to ernie’s aunt’s house far and away and then even farther away until you think that you can’t go any farther and then a little bit farther away, then around a corner and up and down a few hills and a farther and farther and farther away until everyone in the car has asked their allotment of “are we there yets.” in the woods, they live.  with a creek in which we had anticipated wading. it was not to be. too much rain and the thing was rushing away, the loud screams of it heard from the top of the hill as we got out of the car. henry ran off with the big boys (!) and i only worried a little bit.  they walked through poison ivy (didn’t get any, though. amazing!) and played in milder water, though had i been there i might have said no way! there were many orange puddles and this made jude happy. it also made his sneakers too wet to enjoy wearing so he took them off. and then he came home with scratches on the bottoms of his feet and had a hard time finding shoes, even flip flops, to wear on sunday that didn’t hurt. but it was worth it, as painful things sometimes are.

tonight, jude is sleeping by the fan. he has a sunburn on his shoulders that hurts and he was sad until he fell asleep to alex giving answers and the rest of us shouting questions at the tv.  he is taller than ever, long legs, skinny torso and arms. his hair needs a cut, a trim, the curls in his face, the back fluffy and weird. today he watched the neighbors we don’t know splashing in their pool and then played with the hose until it just had to be turned off.  he is a light in the house, funny jokes and an undercurrent of energy that is hard to match.  he is sensitive and smart and without him, what would we do? we do not know, nor wish to know.

jude, i love you more than you can ever know. i love your freckles, each one multiplying as the summer begins, continues. i love your smile, your silly faces, but especially your smile that starts and spreads across your face and makes me smile and laugh a little myself. i love your hugs, the real hugs that you give that lean all of your weight into my body. thank you for being you, for being one of the most important people i know or ever will know or ever will care to know. how did you happen to me?

thank you God, for jude. thank you for his ready smile, for his infinite imagination.  thank you for making him sensitive and loving and smart. thank you for letting me be his mother, of all the women in the world, you entrusted him to me! show him how much you love him.  help him understand the gift of your grace and mercy that is deeper and greater than he can ever know.

Cross-posted at Fresh Milk Delivered Daily

Welcome to Mothering by Grace!

As a message board and online community, MbG has been present in its current form for over two years. As we serve our members and the wider online community, we are relaunching the site with updated features, functionality and look.

Mothering by Grace is a Christian, attachment parenting message board. Our distinctives include an emphasis on positive discipline, encouraging involvement in local communities and understanding freedom in Christ as a basis for making individual, educated parenting decisions. Our goal is to be both theologically sound and intellectually stimulating.

We invite you to join the messageboard, comment on the blog, follow us on twitter, and befriend us on facebook.

Welcome!

A Nod to Motherhood

Whether you chose it or it chose you, you have all entered into the mysterious, wonderful, frightening, crazy, exquisite domain called Motherhood.

Today is your day. It’s the day when the world stops and gives you a collective nod for doing the mostly unnoticed things you do all the live long day . . . wiping snot from runny noses, taking tear-stained midnight phone calls, beaming from audiences at whatever your children are putting forth on stages, choosing to cook an actual meal rather than just sprinkling Cocoa Puffs on the ground and hoping your kids will find it there. . . .

I recently read that the things that seem to bind us the tightest and feel the most constrictive are the very things that ultimately free us. Motherhood is a great proof of that pudding.

The moment you became a mom, you unwittingly signed up to have your greatest fears revealed and potentially brought to light. You inadvertently agreed to commit to a cause greater than your own happiness. You bound yourselves forever to Life and to Love.

To my own mom, here’s my nod to your courage and to all the things I failed to really see as we bumbled along the Mother Daughter Yellow Brick Road together over the past nearly 35 years. I love you for all that you are, for all that you are not, for all that you ever wanted to be, and for all that you have yet to become. I love your green eyes framed by smiley creases, your crazy gardening wardrobe, your laugh, your perfect posture, your insight, your crooked smile, your wisdom, your deeply spiritual and intuitive nature, and your uncanny ability to get lost in foreign countries.

To all the other moms on this list, here’s my nod to your courage, to your efforts, to all the things you do everyday that slip under the radar, to all the things in your hearts that you fear, and to all the things that you love.

Your children will most definitely see every single one your faults and will frequently fail to see your many redeeming qualities, but all they will ever want when everything is said and done is your unguarded and “unguilted” love.

A Mother’s Day tribute, by Kathleen Nolan